You Wouldn't Steal A Boat
You Wouldn't Steal A Boat by Pirates is a show at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe 2026, performing at Gilded Balloon Patter House. It has 12 performances listed, running from Wed 5 Aug, 12:05 to Mon 17 Aug, 12:05. The run has finished — every listed performance has taken place.
About this show
Fringe smash-hit Pirates returns – bigger, louder, and sillier than ever! 'Total joy' * (TheWeeReview.com). After a dastardly betrayal, wannabe pirate captain Sharkbait Mulligan finds himself with just the clothes on his chest and the rum on his chest. Together with first/best/only mate Louie, the pair race against time to hunt for revenge, gold, and bootleg DVDs. Expect action-packed adventure, nautical nonsense and the real* Orlando Bloom. (*not really). 'You laugh so hard your tummy hurts... timbers shivered' (AYoungishPerspective.co.uk).
Details
- Performer: Pirates
- Venue: Gilded Balloon Patter House
- Space: Other Yin
- Genre: COMEDY, Theatre, Historical
- Country: UNITED KINGDOM - ENGLAND
- Running time: 60 minutes
- Room size: about 140 seats (Other Yin) — the Fringe box office sells a share of the room, not all of it
- Performances listed: 12, of which 0 still to come and on sale
Accessibility
- Wheelchair access: lift
- Access features: Step-free access, Accessible toilet
- Venue notes: Accessible entry: Patrons enter the building via either 3 shallow steps or level entry at the Box Office entrance. The Other Yin can be accessed via the building lift to the 2nd floor. The Accessible toilet is located on the Basement level. Please make yourself known to a member of staff (in a pink t-shirt) if you require assistance or require a specific seat. Wheelchair access type:Lift (Building Lift) Stairs: None Number of stairs is provided as guidance and is not in addition to any wheelchair access type (lift/ramp etc) stated above.
What the reviewers said
We have captured 4 published reviews and 21 audience reviews for this show from the Edinburgh Festival Fringe’s own listing. The excerpts below are the reviewers’ words, not ours — follow each link for the full review.
We get some lovely fourth-wall-breaking moments, some very well done running gags and mostly a jolly good time is had by all. Ahmed Amor steals the show as Louie, and Ariel Hebditch is hilarious as Orlando Bloom.
— STARBURST (4 out of 5 stars)
Pirates: You Wouldn’t Steal A Boat is a physical comedy delight that provides just the right amount of asinine ridiculousness.
‘Pirates: you wouldn’t steal a boat’ brings a light-hearted laugh to anyone. It’s one of a kind and a good time to all those who want to see something just a little more silly than normal. 4 Stars
Performance dates and ticket availability
- Wed 5 Aug, 12:05 — Already performed — £10.00
- Thu 6 Aug, 12:05 — Already performed — £10.00
- Fri 7 Aug, 12:05 — Already performed — £10.00
- Sat 8 Aug, 12:05 — Already performed — £12.50
- Sun 9 Aug, 12:05 — Already performed — £12.50
- Mon 10 Aug, 12:05 — Already performed — £12.50
- Wed 12 Aug, 12:05 — Already performed — £12.00
- Thu 13 Aug, 12:05 — Already performed — £12.00
- Fri 14 Aug, 12:05 — Already performed — £12.50
- Sat 15 Aug, 12:05 — Already performed — £12.50
- Sun 16 Aug, 12:05 — Already performed — £12.50
- Mon 17 Aug, 12:05 — Already performed — £12.00